is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
