Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
