didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
