capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
