it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize