He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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