I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
