i think my tv is drunk
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
