He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
