ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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