The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
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I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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