It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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