I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
