you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
