I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
