I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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