Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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