So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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