Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
