Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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