dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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