corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
