I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
