The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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