You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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