so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
