my sisters under your porch take her home
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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