i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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