sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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