My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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