dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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