I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Never joke about your clitoris.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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