Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
