oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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