Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I AM VODKA MAN
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
