My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize