there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
