Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
