i'm signing you up for texting rehab
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
