Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize