well you can't waste a boner
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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