you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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