soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
