Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
