i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I supernannyed him into submission
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
