Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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