There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i need an iv and a liver transplant
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
