We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
