saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear