I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
