Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
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its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot