i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter