This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
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I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
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Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird