So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
