Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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