i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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