I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
