Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
