I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize