I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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