I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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