I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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