Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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