Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
