You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
