I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
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Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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