Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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