i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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